at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
