I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
