haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
