I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
