The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
