they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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