I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
