Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
