New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
