Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i barfeds in our rink
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
