I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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