you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
