i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
