I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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