Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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