I hate your face
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
