So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
