It's like a parade of train wrecks.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
