i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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