I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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