what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
