And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
