Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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