I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
