Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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