i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I didn't notice because vodka
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
