I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You were trust falling into bushes
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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