drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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