No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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