i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
