if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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