I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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