I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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