the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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