you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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