you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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