those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
