Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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