we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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