Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
