Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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