So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
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I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
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The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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