Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
