he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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