dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
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I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
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My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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