hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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