i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
