I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
