I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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