She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
