I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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