Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
