The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
