My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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