the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
