Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
