the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
