She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
