If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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