you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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