garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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