Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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