He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
