she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
