3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
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yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
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Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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