She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
