dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
