Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize