We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
