So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
