I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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