I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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