i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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